Dear Louise
by laurydory
Summary: Hawkeye receives a letter from Trapper’s wife asking him whether he is being unfaithful in Korea. He must decide whether to stick by his friend or his morals. Winner 1st Prize Hawkeye's Martini Story Challenge 2004 Please R&R.


Rated PG for very mild language

Disclaimer: The story's mine. MASH isn't.

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_Dear Louise,_

_Your letter came as a quite a surprise. At first I was certain that I should tell Trapper about it. Do you call him Trapper? Well either way, I thought that _John_ had a right to know that his wife was considering leaving him. _

"Trap... hey Trapper... wait up." Hawkeye struggled to match the long strides of his friend. "Trap? I gotta talk to you."  
"Whatever it is I don't want to talk."  
"It's important."  
"Nurse Ross likes flowers, Nurse Willard wants to go dancing and Klinger takes a 36B."  
"He does?" Hawkeye raised his eyebrows. "Well I'd better return the size C I bought him."  
"Look Hawk, you're a big boy, go sort out your dates for yourself for once." With that Trapper pushed through the door of the Officer's Club leaving Hawkeye standing alone and confused outside.

At this early hour the OC was nearly empty. Except for the lonely enlisted man slumped in the corner who may or may not have been conscious and may or may not have been there since the previous night, Trapper was the only customer. Hawkeye took the stool next to him at the bar and ordered a martini for the both of them.  
"What's the trouble buddy?"  
"What's the trouble!? What the bloody hell do you think is the trouble? The mud, the cold, the heat, the dust, the food, the bugs..." Trapper took a deep breath and added almost inaudibly "the blood, the death. Take your pick."  
"Bad day?"  
"The worst."

_But I couldn't do it. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a good guy. It was purely selfish. I know what it's like to lose a patient. To put so much effort into saving someone only to have them just give up and die. It may sound callous but that's how it feels. He's sat beside me through many such times, knowing just what to say, or not say. I can't be the bad guy now. I won't be the bad guy now. I have had the pleasure of living side by side, day in day out during this stink of a war with a man who almost never loses hope. His stubborn enthusiasm for life is the one thing that gets me through the horror of some days and the boredom of others. I take away his hope and it would be the end of mine._

Countless drinks and several hours later, the OC was beginning to fill and the comforting buzz of friendly chatter could be heard from all but the two doctors still sitting silently at the bar. Several times Hawkeye had opened his mouth to speak but couldn't seem to form the right words. Maybe there were no right words.  
"It wasn't your fault." That would have to do.  
Trapper drew a deep breath and let it out slowly.  
"That doesn't make it better."  
"You did all you could."  
"I know."  
The friends sunk back into an intimate silence, each man alone with his thoughts but not alone with his demons, until finally either the alcohol or the good company dulled the pain a little.  
"You wanna move this circus over to Rosie's?" Hawkeye accompanied his invitation with an affectionate clap on the back. Trapper answered with a slightly drunken grin and the two stood up to leave but when they reached the door Trapper turned back.  
"Just a minute, I forgot something." He smiled cheekily, ensnared a surprised nurse with each arm and rejoined Hawkeye. "Shall we?"

_I have been thinking a lot about your request. The fact that I have this secret about my friend's family has been playing on my mind constantly. How can the fate of four fantastic people rests on what I write in one letter. I don't like it and I must say I'm not happy that you have forced this responsibility on me. But all my thinking has led me to the conclusion that you are right. You do have a right to know what your husband has been up to while he's away. You want the truth? Well here it is._

The two nurses had left hours ago. Hawkeye wasn't sure why. It could have been the rowdy singing or the drunken advances but with careful thought he came to the conclusion that they didn't know where he had gone. After all, he supposed, it wasn't all that easy to spot him down on the floor. But when he'd tried to stand up he had discovered that one leg was tangled in the legs of the chair and no amount of feeble struggling was going to free it. Giving up he let his head drop back to the floor, right next to Trapper's.  
"Some night huh?"  
"Uh-huh." A pause. "I miss my girls."  
"Me too. That Betty sure is a doll. I'll bet she would have loved this."  
"Lying on the floor of Rosie's? Yep Hawk, I'm sure that's exactly why she left." Another pause. "I meant _my_ girls. Louise and the kids." Trapper pushed himself onto one elbow so he could look at Hawkeye. "You know, I get upset when I lose a patient. I get upset that he will never go home to his family but I am cold and selfish cos' the thing that upsets me most is that I am wasting my time. Why I am so far from home if it isn't even to save someone's life."  
"You save lots of people's lives Trap. And not just those that end up on your table. You've saved mine just by being here."  
"Well you can thank Louise for that; she saved mine just by being there."  
Trapper dropped heavily back to the floor.  
"I want to go home Hawk."  
"I know."

_His body may be in Korea but his heart is in Boston with the three most important people in his life. You and the girls are everything to that man. Trapper would do anything for you and I have never doubted the strength of his love. You wonder if he is being unfaithful to you but I would like to know how you can be so unfaithful to him. Please Louise, keep being his pillar of strength. I won't tell if you don't._

_Conspiratorially yours,_

_Hawkeye Pierce._

_PS. Thankyou._


End file.
